the french vampire

CASE FILE #015

CASE FILE: THE FRENCH VAMPIRE

Mission Log

Paris. After dark.

Reports surfaced of a suspicious figure wandering the streets after sunset. Pale complexion. Black cape. Avoids sunlight. Unnecessarily dramatic.

The evidence pointed to one conclusion:

Vampire.

Duck-9 was dispatched immediately.

The Discovery

Normally, vampire removal is fairly straightforward.

Wooden stake. Heart. Problem solved.

Unfortunately, this vampire was French.

After reviewing local procedure, Duck-9 discovered that the traditional wooden stake had apparently been replaced by something more culturally appropriate:

A baguette.

Preferably fresh.

The Investigation

Duck-9 acquired the finest baguette he could find and confronted the suspect.

There was an immediate problem.

Bread possesses several admirable qualities.

Structural integrity is not one of them.

The first baguette bent.

The second broke.

The third produced enough crumbs to compromise the entire crime scene.

The vampire remained completely unharmed and increasingly judgmental.

At one point, Duck-9 considered switching to a croissant.

The idea was rejected on engineering grounds.

Feathered Thought

Killing a French vampire sounds easy enough.

Unfortunately…

the process is pain-staking.

Final Note

The suspect remains at large.

Duck-9 has requested additional equipment, several stronger baguettes, and clarification on whether garlic bread counts as using excessive force.

CASE STATUS: OPEN
EVIDENCE LOST: 3 baguettes
VAMPIRES APPREHENDED: 0
CRUMBS: Everywhere

Report filed.