the procedure that solved ABSOLUTELY nothing

CASE FILE #012

CASE FILE: THE PROCEDURE THAT SOLVED ABSOLUTELY NOTHING

Mission Log

Duck-9 received a report concerning a man who had taken what appeared to be a rather permanent step toward a quieter household.

The objective was straightforward.

He didn't want any kids.

So he got a vasectomy.

Case closed.

Or so everyone thought.

The Discovery

Upon returning home, investigators discovered a serious flaw in the plan.

The kids were still there.

All of them.

Worse, they appeared completely unaffected by the procedure.

The Investigation

Duck-9 arrived at the residence to find the situation rapidly deteriorating.

Couch cushions had become airborne.

Crayons had migrated from paper to walls.

A suspicious amount of toilet paper was traveling through the living room at high speed.

At no point did any of the children appear concerned about the recent medical intervention.

Investigators were forced to consider the possibility that someone had fundamentally misunderstood what a vasectomy does.

Feathered Thought

Some medical procedures prevent future problems.

They do very little about the ones already jumping on your furniture.

Final Note

The procedure was reportedly successful.

The parenting situation remains unchanged.

CASE STATUS: Technically successful. Strategically disappointing.

REPORT FILED.