The lunch special Incident
CASE FILE #004
The Lunch Special Incident
Filed by: Duck-9
Location: FDS Newsroom
Status: Closed... after a nap.
At approximately 12:17 p.m., I made what investigators now agree was an avoidable decision.
The lunch special looked harmless enough.
A sandwich. Chips. "Just one more side."
History has shown that those four words have ruined empires.
Witnesses report I confidently declared, "I've still got room." Unfortunately, the evidence suggests I did not.
Returning to the newsroom, I attempted to resume my duties as a professional journalist. Initial efforts were promising. I loosened my tie, leaned back in my chair, and prepared to organize my notes.
Then physics became personally involved.
The office chair began issuing structural complaints. My shirt entered negotiations with several overworked buttons. Breathing became less of a biological function and more of an engineering challenge.
At one point I considered standing.
The chair and I mutually agreed that wasn't happening.
The situation escalated when one particularly courageous shirt button accepted its fate and departed the scene at a speed normally reserved for small-caliber projectiles.
Its current whereabouts remain unknown.
Anyone discovering a white button approximately the size of a nickel is encouraged to contact the newsroom. Please approach with caution. It may still be under tension.
As for the lunch special...
The investigation has concluded that while it was undeniably delicious, a second helping was not supported by available evidence.
Further testing has been suspended until my shirt regains public confidence.
Official Findings
The lunch special was guilty of nothing.
Personal restraint remains missing.
One shirt button is presumed at large.
The chair has requested workers' compensation.
The investigation will resume after a brief period of horizontal recovery.
Report filed.
See the surveillance footage on our social channels... and remember: just because it's called a "special" doesn't mean you need seconds.
— Duck-9